Lollipop Lady

by Dreiviertel Drei

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In the UK, the school crossing guard is known as the "Lollipop Man" or "Lollipop Lady", for the 'STOP' sign they carry resembles a giant lollipop. The job is traditionally carried out by a retired person who appears at the roadside every morning and afternoon to assist youngsters across the road.

Of course, not all kids are fond of old people. This song is about one such child who REALLY doesn't like his local lollipop lady.

"Stop, look and listen" has been the message drilled into children crossing the road for many years.


Ronny was your typical good kid
Grades above average, played the school team
Avoided the bullies, kept his hands clean
Just one thing would upset him
Not in the locker room, nor the canteen
Not even the staff room, strange that may seem

When the end-of-day bell rang
Others ran home or off with their mates
Ronny would dither around the school gates
One person gave him a cold sweat
Not the maths teacher or even the Jannie
Only the local Lollipop Lady

She lived in his nightmares, some hideous troll
Lying in wait with her lollipop pole
Gripped like a scythe to lop off his head
Before he leapt screaming out of the bed...

Stop. Look. Listen.
Look again. Is it safe?
Is it ever really safe?

When he saw her in real life
She flashed her smile, that toothless grin
No way to escape, no way he could win
He had to cross the road with her
Holding his breath, keeping it in
His flesh crawling at the touch of her skin

"Come on, now, Ronald" she'd say
Her long bony fingers, wrinkled and cold
Grasping his hand in their clammy hold
Twice a day he'd go through it
Facing his terror, never quite ready
To meet the local Lollipop Lady

She crept through his nightmares, withered and bent
A suburban ferryman, Stygian descent
Hooded in fluorescent orange and green
Closer and closer 'til he woke with a scream...

Stop. Look. Listen.
Look again. Is it safe?
Is it ever really safe?

Finally, he came to his wits' end
Couldn't go on feeling so sick
At the sight of an old woman's lollipop stick
That Friday he followed her home
Faced up to his fear, made it stop
Traded his kidneys for two lollipops

Stop. Look. Listen.
Look again. Is it safe?
Is it ever really safe?


released January 29, 2012
Music & Lyrics: Mick Bordet & Katharina Maimer
Mick Bordet: Lead vocal, guitars & bass
Katharina Maimer: Backing vocals, keyboards & percussion

Artwork: CC-licenced by and




Mick Bordet Wien, Austria

Mick is co-founder of prog-skiffle band, 'The Lunacy Board' and is currently focusing on his podcast fiction projects at ‘Some Other Scotland’ and ‘Every Photo Tells…’

He plays anything he can lay his hands on, from ukulele to theremin and cites influences from Ivor Cutler to Iannis Xenakis.
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